Uncertain Life!
There is this guy I know who was recently diagnosed with cancer that could eventually be fatal. He is somebody I do business with very often and after he was diagnosed with it, every time I lift the phone to talk with him, there is this uneasy feeling. I am always not sure whether to talk to him about his condition or not. Usually I just ask him how he is doing and I don’t probe him about his condition. He is a brave guy and sounds very enthusiastic as usual and talks business as usual. Sometimes he himself talks about his condition and the medicines he is on.
But there is this uneasy feeling in me ever since I heard the news and I just hope I get over it.
Life surely is very uncertain and we should enjoy every minute of it.
3 comments:
I'm sorry about your friend. I think the hidden message for life being uncertain is to enjoy this day, this hour, this minute, this second.
After all what fun would it be if everything were so predictable?
Life is full of surprises. What we have today is a bundle of priceless gifts. Rejoice! Enjoy! Life every moment to its fullest!
This is such a sensitive topic that I won't even pretend to have THE answer.
But my OBSERVATION on this issue is that the answer to the question of how you should "adjust" the way you deal with someone with a fatal disease is - it depends on the CULTURE.
I can only speak from my experiences with American and Indian cultures since they are all I know, and I think the following -
• Indians, when seriously ill expect a lot of emotional support from the people around them, sometimes to the extreme point that one could say Indians even expect to receive pity. They also feel a sense of ‘entitlement’ if they are ill – and feel offended if others treat them normally. They expect to get preferential treatment as compared to other “normal” people.
• Americans, on the other hand will reject pity from anyone but will appreciate sincere help from friends and family. They also take a "life goes on" attitude - not in the “stoic, stiff upper lip” British fashion, but more on the lines of “this is another major challenge in my life and I can beat it” kind of confident way. I believe this is a result of traditional American values that emphasize and reward independence and individual achievement as opposed to dependence on others. So, if your friend is American of a few generations, it might be advisable to maintain a “normal” mode of interaction with him, while occasionally showing interest in his illness by inquiring about "how he is doing”.. And the frequency of "checking in" on the illness depends on how close you are with the friend.
So I think the way you deal with someone in this situation depends on their cultural background. I realize I am speaking in generalities here and there is always a personal component to consider in every situation. But like in other areas of human relations, I guess you start by applying general behavior mannerisms and fine tune them to suit the individual personality.
BTW my observations are based on the following events, all within the last 10-12 years –
• A VERY Premature death of 1 very close Indian American relative caused by cancer
• Premature death of 1 Indian American family friend caused by cancer
• Successful recovery (so far) of one American neighbor\friend
• Behavior of one blood relative who has chronic, but not fatal, illnesses
• Behavior of people around one close aunt who the doctors declared to have gone to the “death bed” in India a couple of weeks ago and is on life support as we speak!
Again – there is never a perfect answer for a situation like this, but I hope we can learn to choose the best approach by learning from others' experiences.
Good analysis.
Thanks for sharing your experiences SK. This is very helpful.
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