Our Plane ride

We went on a vacation recently to Boston,CT,NY. Our biggest fear was the plane ride with a toddler. Our little one doesn't like to stay put in one place . So we were a little worried on how we were going to manage in the plane. On top of that he had an ear infection whose effects are said to be accentuated by air pressure in the plane. So we prepared ourselves by googling about it and getting everything possible to calm him in he plane. We filled our carry on bags with candies,suckers,cookies - everything sweet you can imagine. We also took a portable DVD player to keep him occupied.
As soon as the we boarded the plane, the most unexpected thing happened. Our first one started crying out of fear. Only then we realized that we totally did not plan for the first one. Even though our first one is only 4 ,we treat him like an adult after the second one is born.We expect him to behave fine and dandy every time, not realizing that he is still just 4. I guess this happens in ever house. Somehow we survived the plane ride with minimal incidents.

Likes and Dislikes

It's amazing how kids develop their sense of personal taste at a very young age. My younger one rides with me to his day care everyday. I have a bunch of cd's I play over and over. My little one is very specific about what songs he wants in each and every CD. If I happen to put a song he doesn't like, he just screams. In fact looking back, My first one also used to be the same way. Amazing how they develop their own likings at such an young age.

Learning the Words

Our kids have been busy lately 'Learning the Words'. The younger one is learning to speak while the older one is learning to read.

For a while now we have been guessing and second guessing what our little one is saying to us. He literally lets out various sounds thru' his mouth and gets very frustrated if we don't understand it. He sometimes gets over it by pointing at objects that he wants. But other times he is just frustrated and starts crying. But lately he is catching up and has begun to talk words that make sense to him and us. Even though we are going to miss his 'baby talks', I am sure the baby will be in much better mood once he starts conveying his wishes. No wonder they call it 'Terrible Two'.

It's been a different kind of challenge with the older one. I sit with him and teach him words. For the initial few days, he was frustrated that he cannot read. He kept saying 'Daddy, This is very hard'. Also I used to get frustrated that, inspite of all the efforts, he is still not able to read. Then suddenly one day he just started realizing how to read. I don't know what happened in his brain the previous night. But all of a sudden the next day he got it. He was very happy when that happened and so was I. Now he is slowly beginning to read short stories and he is enjoying it.

So the last few months have sure been very challenging for our family.

Contrasting personalities

When we initially conceived our second baby, one of the first things that came to my mind was 'We already have one and we have gone through many ups and downs with the first one. Now that we have learnt our lessons , How hard can the second one be?'. I am a programmer by profession. That's probably why I must have thought like that.
But Oh boy! We just can't believe how different our second one is from the first one. Granted they look similar. But they are 2 different personalities. Life always seems to present us with challenges all the time. But we are thoroughly enjoying it.

Enforcing ratings on TV

I read an article about a 9 year old boy in India dying after trying to imitate a stunt performed in one of India’s reality TV show. This is one thing that has always bothered me. I have subscribed to an Indian channel here in US and you can be assured that there will always be some R Rated gory scenes telecast by this channel without any inhibitions. So I always change the channel when such scenes come by and when my 4 year old is watching TV with me. This is true even when I watch News on TV. They show violence without any kind of censor even during daily news. This never happens on US public channels. Of course there are specific ‘Rated’ channels. But you can never expect to see such things on public television. I wish such things are enforced even in India.It would prevent these kind of incidents.

Apart from this Parents too hold the responsibility to steer kids away from watching such things. Media alone cannot be blamed for this kind of incidents.

What do you think?

Aliens and Monsters

My 4 year old, like any other kid, is afraid of the dark. He always thinks that there is a monster somewhere in the dark waiting to attack him. So I have told him many times not to be afraid of Monsters and aliens because they are not real. Yesterday he told me a theory on why he is not going to be afraid of Monsters and Aliens anymore.

Varun: Daddy I am not scared of aliens and monsters anymore. You know why? Monsters are not real. They are only on TV. I am also not scared of aliens because they live outside the earth. But all the dead people who live outside the earth will fight and kill all the aliens. So I am not going to be scared of Aliens anymore.

I thought about it and laughed for quite a while. Pretty interesting theory. Then I gave a little dad’s talk explaining stuff to him. But I am not sure whether he got it or not. Anyway it was an interesting incident.

Celebrating mediocrity

Celebrating mediocrity is a part of American culture. Here People tend to celebrate anything that would be deemed ‘silly’ in other cultures. As an example, here in school, they celebrate graduation for moving from one grade to other. So if you are moving from 1st to 2nd grade, they celebrate it as a big thing. Parents, grandparents etc. attend such ceremony and make it a big thing.

Lately I have been wondering whether it is a good thing to do. Is it good to celebrate mediocre achievements? Would that leave a contented child even though he/she is capable of achieving more? Or will it instill a lot of confidence in the child’s mind?

My wife always says that a little encouragement to the child will make him go a long way. I accept that. But at the same time, wouldn’t even a small failure affect him immensely when such things should be just brushed away? I personally feel that there should be a good balance in celebrating mediocrity. But where the balance lies is something hard to figure out.

What do you think?

Ever changing life

My toddler just moved from toddler room to Pre school room in his child care. This basically means that he is with a different set of children whom he has never been with before. As expected he was very scared and concerned. I guess the biggest challenge in a young one’s life is how soon one can adapt to varying circumstances that befall them.

I and my wife often talk about how good it would be to become a baby again just out of the mere frustrations and tensions in work and life. But looking at my toddler, I feel that it is even scarier to be one. They still have heaps of challenges that they have to face and deal with, that we as an adult have already dealt with. Of course we have our own sets of challenges in life. But I am happy that I am done with some of them already.

What about you?

We are expecting a second baby!

First the good news - We are expecting a second baby!

Now here is the part where I vent my frustrations.

There is this rather annoying tendency with some people in a way they reacted when I shared the news with them. Most people congratulated me when I shared the news with them and wished me luck with a broad smile on their faces. This is the kind of response you would expect.

Here are some annoying responses I got from people

‘Your life will totally change. Don’t think you can be like how you are right now’
‘Your stress level is going to shoot up like you cannot imagine’
‘You are not going to have any personal time.’
‘You are going to get more annoyed and frustrated’

In fact this is exactly the same kind of response I got from these same set of people when I told them that I was going to have my first baby.

Come on guys - I am sharing a good news with you. Shouldn't you all at least try to feign some happiness instead of responding like this?

The funny aspect of it is that most of these people already have 2 kids. So my question to such people is – ‘Is this what you feel about your second kid? – Annoyed and irritated’.

Innocence!

This weekend we took our toddler to a local Zoo. He was very excited to see all the animals and birds there. He was particularly impressed with the monkeys.

While casually chatting with him near the monkey cage, I asked him

Me : ‘Do you have a tail like Monkey on your back?’
Varun : 'No Silly. We don’t have tail in our back. We have it in front'.

We laughed and laughed thinking about what he said.

Characters

Lately I have been using ‘characters’ to scare my kid off to get things done during crunch situations (like getting to do some stuff when we are running out of time to go to work). Every time he refuses to do something, I say that the ‘cops’ are going to get him and he immediately agrees to do it. It’s been working pretty good so far.

Once in a while, I feel bad about doing it. But looking back, I was raised like that. I was scared of some fictitious character my parents used to come up with and they used it to get things done. But you eventually grow out of it. So I don’t think it’s a bad tactic. It definitely works in crunch situations.

Any advice / suggestions?

Watching too much TV

Yesterday after dinner I was sitting in my living room which doesn’t have a TV. My son looked at me and said ‘No TV. You cannot turn it on.’ I was so embarrassed. I guess I am watching too much TV in front of him. It’s probably because of all the world cup cricket I have been watching the last 2 months. Now that the world cup is over, I hope I can change his opinion.

Your kid looks up to you

I usually eat a lot of fruits daily. Yesterday my 2 year old stayed at home because he was sick. When I came back from work, he was so excited to see me back home. He immediately ran to the refrigerator and got me a plum and got himself a plum and started eating with me. I was so happy to see it.

Just goes to show how kids observe you each and every day. It’s a good lesson for me as a parent. Instead of just telling your child to eat healthy, you should lead by example. They automatically look up to you.

Our Little One!

My 2.5 year old is going through a phase right now where in he says anything to anybody irrespective of time or place. We are trying to be as cautious as we can when we talk to each other these days. It won’t seem like he is listening when me and wife are talking to each other. But his sharp ears are listening to every word we talk. He is amazing us every day with a new word.

He also puts us in embarrassing situations sometimes by telling things to others - things that they are not supposed to know. But it really is a fun phase.

Toddlers Grocery List

My 2 1/2 year old almost always wants to go to Meijer, a local grocery store, just to buy candies. I was intrigued and I thought I would try to get the list of things he would buy from Meijer.

Me: Varun, What do you want to get from Meijer today?

He thinks for a few seconds and came up with this list

Cheese
Waters (This is how he says if he wants lots of water)
Suckers
Lollipop
Kit Kat
Candies

I wish we can eat like this everyday.

Having a baby around

One thing that puts a smile on people’s face for sure is when you talk to them about their babies. Lots of people who work with me have babies, toddlers etc… Every time I talk to them about their babies, you can see a smile on their faces. This works with both genders. This also works on any kind of situations. It totally makes them light even if they are really angry with you.

You may get really tired taking care of the toddler / baby through out the day. But once you get away from him/her and go to work or elsewhere, you then begin to think about him/her and you’ll miss him/her very much. I am sure every parent goes through this. Having a baby around is the best thing that can happen to a person.

What do you think?

Dec 31 2005

I’ll never forget Dec 31 2005 - One of the scariest days of our life. This is what happened -

We gave our 1.5 year old an Indian sweet (Cashew sweet) and he really enjoyed it. But within 20 minutes he had an allergy breakout in a way we haven't seen before . His body was fully covered with rashes and his face began to swell out of proportions .In case you have seen the movie ‘Hitch’ – it’s the same thing that happens to Will Smith in that movie after eating oysters. Believe me - it is not funny as portrayed in the movie. It’s really scary when it happens to someone in your family. We were horrified, had to call 911 and thank god he became fine after a few hours. But those few hours as a parent was excruciating.

To those reading this – Don’t give any form of nuts to kids unless you are very sure he/she is fine with nuts.

There was a report in CNN recently which said that these incidents of allergy in kids have increased immensely in the last few years and they don’t have a reason for this. So be safe than sorry.

Stop Comparing!

One thing I have always seen with many parents is that they have this tendency of comparing their kid with some other kid. Personally I think this is bad. Situation is even worse for a kid when he is compared with some other kid within his own or extended family. I think most parents think that it is means of inspiring the kid. But I think they are actually hurting the kid’s feelings rather than influencing in a positive way. This doesn’t stop sometimes even after you grow up. There will always be a peer whom you are compared against and life becomes tough in those situations.

Thank god it hasn’t happened to me. But it used to happen to one of my friends and I know how frustrated he becomes every time that happens.

On the other hand I have seen some for whom such comparison really works. They work hard to reach the same heights as the other. But personally I think you get very stressful in those situations.

There is one more type of people who always compare themselves with some others. They don’t need any outside influence. Those people really get depressed when the person they are looking up to becomes successful. Hate, jealousy and anger just broods inside them.

For very few this kind of self comparison might have a positive influence too.

What do you think?

Go Away!

My 2 year old son is going through a phase right now where he says ‘Go Away’ to anything or anybody he doesn’t want at that moment. This is true for both living and material objects. If he bumps his head on the wall he says ‘Go away Wall. It’s not right’. Obviously we are enjoying every minute of his innocence.

Today I was driving him to his daycare and I was on a freeway. This car in front of me was going really slow (I guess it was the policeman’s curse from yesterday!) and I controlled my road rage and was patiently driving behind it. After a lot of time it gave me way. And as soon as I passed it, My 2 year old turned back, looked at the car and said ‘Go away Red car. It’s not right’. Even though I enjoyed his cuteness, I was surprised and at the same time shocked. I guess we still have a lot of things to teach him.

I used to have the road rage initially when I came here and started driving. But now I have got over it and usually yield to crazy drivers. Anyway it came as a big surprise for me this morning.

MultiVitamins

I am one of those health nuts who take a multivitamin whenever I feel that I haven’t eaten well. I know some people take it everyday.

But every time I take it I am always unsure as to whether it is really doing good for my body. I just console myself thinking that as long as it does not do anything harmful to me, I’ll take it.

I think more than the adults the kids need it. This is because of their bad eating habits. My son eats a lot of dairy and eats vegetables wherever he has the mood to do so. Since we are vegetarians, I am not sure whether he gets all the necessary minerals and vitamins.

So inevitably we try to give him multivitamins. Thankfully they have those candy coated multivitamins. So I feel satisfied when ever I see him eat one of those. I don’t know whether it works. But it at least gives me a great sense of satisfaction.